As I sit here in my all leather, electric massaging, zero gravity chair in front of my big screen television complete with surround sound, in my one man room with satellite internet and of course air conditioning, I have to remind myself of the “reality” portal I am in. For as soon as I step foot outside my little “capsule” I quickly find myself in the middle of a war torn country. Even as I sit in a state of mental isolation I am reminded of the true reality that lurks without compassion outside these thin metal walls. Every time I hear a mortar or rocket explode I feel like I am living on borrowed time and just waiting until my luck runs out and one lands so close I never even hear the explosion. I have on occasion heard the rush and unmistakable whine of a mortar zipping barely over my trailer and impacting within eyesight and shaking my thin trailer.
Is it luck? Is it divine intervention? I’ll be honest, I’ll take luck, divine intervention, destiny…heck, I’ll take pure fricken magic if it gets me out of here unscathed. Some days you find yourself feeling an almost numb indifference to the grim situation. I suppose having absolutely no influence on ones own destiny is at times rather empowering. It is often said, “…When it’s your time to go…it’s your time to go!” Well, I can counter that rationalization with that’s like choosing to stand in the long cashier line even though I’m only holding two gallons of milk…or jumping lines over to the shorter and quicker Express Lane! After all, if it was my “destiny” to get out of the store “quicker” it wouldn’t matter which lane I was in…or would it? Sometimes I feel like I’ve just entered into the Express Lane and there is nobody in line in front of me. Damn it…why didn’t I get in lane number ten?
One thing I have noticed to my amazement while being over here. Your world seems to collapse in around you. Your circle of influence contracts to within a very small radius. Yet, almost inversely proportional, your mental “world” seems to expand exponentially. You begin thinking about loved ones, friends, even people you are at odds with back home in an entirely new light. I find myself constantly thinking about things. I’m a rather analytical person and I try to understand every thought that surfaces. It comes all the way down to one word. It's a simple three-syllable word that seems to collectively wrap up my thoughts into one tight little package. Perspective! If that doesn’t seem to be descriptive enough for you…I might suggest that you yourself lack that very simple thing in your own life.
It’s no different really than I never truly understood what it was like to be a parent. To literally be MY parents until that wonderful day when I delivered my own son into this world. Within a matter of minutes I was holding my son again and he opened his beautifully innocent eyes and looked straight into mine; straight into my soul. Unfortunately, perspective is a rather elusive thing. For most people wont arrive at this destination by attending a class or seminar or even by reading a book about someone else’s “perspective” revelations. It’s a road each of us will have to travel. For that, I will forever be grateful for my 365 days of captivity in this time capsule in the middle of the Sunni-Triangle in Iraq. “Perspective” is mine and my life will never be the same again and I am so thankful for that!
"You must look within for value, but must look beyond for perspective."
Denis Waitley
